Unapologetic Word Padding

Blurry am I. Eh, so it goes. Settling in to watch the Blackhawks game....

This morning I engaged in some serious word padding. So far ahead of schedule, why would I do that? Needed to write. Couldn't come up with a damn thing. So this, my friends, is what happens. Shit starts getting silly. People start hearing "accordionly" when the actual word was "accordingly." Yeah.

And actually, that kind of silly crap is what I excel at writing. If I may refer back to the Baywatch Thing again (Sopel shoots; he scores!) the most wonderful parts were where I was throwing quality to the wind and just letting my funny freak flag fly.... So. Anyhow. Here's some absolute crap for your enjoyment.

"Jonathan," Dui said, sitting down opposite his partner.

Decimal looked up from the newspaper he was reading. "Melvil," he said. "How was your meeting?"

"It went very well. Cutter is most accommodating, very supportive of our effort. I believe that together we have devised a solution to the cataloging issue."

"That is excellent. I would be most interested in hearing all about it, only do allow me to finish reading this article."

"Of course. What does it concern?"

"It regards the Columbian Exhibition in Chicago this year. It seems that they've nearly completed building the fairgrounds and are well on their way towards being ready for the fair to begin."

"Why does that interest you so much?"

"Allow me to finish -- as well as the work is going, there is also a dark side, a seedy underbelly, a nefarious undercurrent in the air."

"Do tell!" Dui said, growing more interested.

"Well, everything was going smoothly, Daniel Burnham's plan going as scheduled, the work getting done accordingly--"

"Accordionly?" Dui asked, misunderstanding Decimal. "What do you mean it was going accordionly?"

"No, sir, you misheard me. I said that the work was getting done accordingly."

"My mistake. I apologize for interrupting you."

"By all means, it is of no matter."

"Pray, continue."

"Where was I?"

"You were saying that the work was going accordionly."

"Accordingly."

"Yes, yes, the work was going accordingly."

"So, as I was saying, the work was going accordionly," Decimal stopped and laughed. "Look what you've done, sir! Now you've got me saying it!"

Dui laughed as well, could barely speak, so amused was he. "Oh, I do apologize!" he managed. "I am dreadfully sorry!"

Decimal wiped tears from his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, calm himself, regain his composure. "Ahh, sir, that was hilarious."

Dui nodded. "It certainly feels good to laugh in that manner. It feels like it has been quite a long time since I have done so."

"I know what you mean," Decimal agreed. "There has been something of a dark cloud hanging over your countenance for a long time."

"How long would you say, Decimal? How long have I been as such?"

Decimal pauses, appears deep in thought. "I would have to say that you have seemed at the very least melancholy since the day that we met."

"I suspected as much," Dui said. "I haven't felt myself in a very long time."

"Perhaps you should try feeling yourself more often!" Decimal proposed.

Dui was initially shocked by his friend's inappropriate comment, but then, in the spirit of the moment, got the joke, laughter resumed, the pair guffawing to the point that other diners looked in their direction with wonder and awe.

"You're too much, Decimal," Dui said when the laughter subsided.

"It pleases me to see you smile, Dui," Decimal said. "I hope to see it more often."

"Yes, yes. I as well. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy that."

"You'd forgotten how much you enjoyed feeling yourself?"

"Now you're just pushing it, Decimal," Dui said.

"You're right. That didn't feel right the moment it came out of my mouth. I am sorry."

"Think nothing of it. Now, I beseech you: do go on."

"Yes, it appears that there has been a murder on the fairgrounds."

"Murder you say?"

"Yes," Decimal replied. "Murder. Murder most foul."